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Boy Scout Tr #240

Scripture: Ephesians 2:1-10

Sometimes I wonder what in the world was God thinking by calling me to the ordained ministry! It wasn’t my idea! Why me? As you and I gradually get to know each other here at Hillsboro, you will discover that I tend to be a skeptic, at times. I have more questions than answers. I have a few clues to share, much life experience, and as far as I’m concerned we are all in this journey called life together. So, I won’t be telling you how to live your life. I will be telling you, however, that you are loved by God unconditionally, God’s grace is sufficient, and the mystery of God is beyond our comprehension and imagination.

I have learned that the “why me” question is not only human, it is biblical In recalling my call, it began in great astonishment--like, you’ve got to be kidding, God! Is this some kind of divine comedy? A couple of life changing experiences had brought me back to the church on a Thanksgiving Sunday at age 28. I was suffering from lack of meaning in my life. And I was questioning the meaning of suffering.

I have been a Methodist my whole life. Even when I didn’t attend church my mother would make sure that I was a member at her church. Each time she moved, she moved my membership with her. I grew up on a wheat ranch 9 miles out of Heppner, a little place that is the county seat of Morrow County. I couldn’t wait to get out of Heppner and college was my ticket out. I went all of 60 miles away to Pendleton to attend Blue Mountain Community College. After two years I moved even further away and attended Eastern Oregon College in LaGrande. That put me about 100 miles from home. If you read the Spire regularly or are part of the Staff/Parish Relations Committee then you know that after I graduated from college I flew across the Pacific to teach physical education in Australia. Now that’s a long way from home!

So, I after growing up in the church, going to Sunday School, helping with Vacation Bible School, going to youth group, singing in the choir, being Mary in the Christmas pageant, playing the organ when the regular organist wanted to be away in a small country town church, I was ready for a break. Why? Well, believe or not, I was a painfully shy person and doing anything in front of a group terrified me. So when I went to college I was free at last. Except occasionally the pastor of Heppner United Methodist Church would call me to see if I could come home and play the organ so the regular organist could have a Sunday off. I always said yes. But when I went to Australia, the church couldn’t call me to come home and play the organ. (By the way, Tom, don’t get any ideas, believe me, you would much rather hear me preach than play the organ!!)

What I want to say about those years away from the church is that they were important years of exploration, risking, experimenting, growing up, trying to figure out my life. It was my wilderness time--a very important time for me even though I did do a few things that I would never tell my mother about.

So, after growing up in the church and ten years in the wilderness, for the first time I went to church because I was in need, I was searching, because I was suffering and I wanted to know why. I remember this about that Sunday morning: I left the house without telling my two house mates where I was going. I went to the biggest United Methodist Church in Eugene. I did NOT arrive early. I wasn’t late either. I sat in one of the pews near the back. Not too close to anyone. I ignored the attendance pad that was passed through the pews. I ignored the guest book, too. I headed for the door right after the service. I don’t remember shaking the pastor’s hand, who was Askew Crumbley, by the way. I don’t remember talking to anyone. If I had had a cloak that made me invisible like Harry Potter’s cloak, I would have worn it. I didn’t want to be noticed at all.

Let me tell you--I remember the message. It was the only message I remember hearing Sunday after Sunday. I’m sure Pastor Crumbley had other things to say. But this was the one message I needed to hear. It was the message that no matter how chaotic my life felt, or out of control I felt, or how mixed up and confused I felt, God loved me, and there was nothing I could do about it. God loved me no matter what. Before I did anything, no matter how bad I felt, God loved me. I didn’t believe it at first, being the skeptic that I am. But I went back the next Sunday, and the next, and the next. I’m sure I had heard that message before. But at this time in my life, I was listening. I was yearning for something. What I got was grace--God’s grace. And it did not cost me a thing. Not a thing. I just needed to let it in. And I did. Very slowly, very, very slowly I allowed God’s grace to penetrate my mind, my heart, deep down to the depth of my soul. It changed my life. Because of grace.

My mother’s name is Grace. I’ve never known her to be a graceful person. She is the youngest of five brothers whose job was to look after their little sister. So, part of my mother’s journey has been to break free from her brothers protective natures and proclaim to the world, “I can take care of myself, thank you, very much!” She’s one of the most hesitantly courageous people I know. She graduated from college in Nebraska and moved to a really small town in Eastern Oregon to be Morrow County’s Home Extension Agent. Sometime after that she met my Dad, who was home from the war, and they got married. The only thing I know about their courtship is that he wrote really nice letters.

Marriage to my father was a mixed bag for my mother. He came from a family that consisted of five boys and one girl who was the youngest, like my Mom’s. That and farming were about the only things that the two families had in common. My Mom came from a stern, serious, progressive German family; my Dad came from a conservative family that played cards, teased each other ruthlessly, and resorted to sarcasm when they had a problem with each other. My mother was never comfortable with the verbal bantering in the Drake family. She has become a kind of enigma in the family. She was Grace in this boisterous family.

And then there was my grandmother, the matriarch of the whole Drake family. She was the master of meddling and manipulation and she had her Drake boys wrapped around her finger. None of the women who married the Drake boys were ever quite good enough in my grandmother’s eyes. However, she could never quite figure out my mother.

My Mom and Dad were very different from each other. They didn’t share the same interests. But I never doubted their love for us kids and I never doubted their love and respect for each other.

I share this story through 14 year old eyes because my Dad was killed in a deer hunting accident 39 years ago, when I was 14. How my mother managed after that, I don’t know. She said, sometimes all she had to make it through those times was her name, Grace, and the miracle for her, she said, was that it was enough. Because of Grace.

The Apostle Paul knew about the grace of God. His own story was grace-filled with his dramatic conversion from being a zealous persecutor of Christians to an equally zealous missionary for Christ. Knowing the extremes of Paul’s life helps us understand why Eugene Peterson described Paul’s world as sin-wrecked. It’s language we can relate to because we live in a world that feels wrecked by sin--a fragmented world, a violent world, a chaotic world. Paul was torn apart by sin before he met Christ on the road to Damascus even though he always believed in God. It was after he was blinded by the truth of his behavior and the light of Christ when he could see that what he knew about God and what he did for God was tearing him apart at his very core. But the grace of Jesus Christ poured into his life and began putting him together again. Paul’s testimony is the grace of Christ knits together our belief and our behavior-- bringing everything and everyone together again. Paul wrote. “Now God has us where God wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.”

Going back to church was only the beginning of change for me. My Mom also steered me toward the Wesley Center at the University of Oregon. I was attending U of O for a Master’s Degree in Physical Education. Then my best friend, an Australian woman, Marg asked me to be part of a home Bible Study I said, sure, as a favor to her, not knowing what I was getting into. The woman leading the study began saying some very unsettling things. Like, women can not be pastors of a church. That bothered me a lot. I rose to the challenge of defending my mother’s honor. I began studying the Bible more than Physiology and Chemistry and Anatomy, just to present another point of view. There had to be another way of looking at the Bible, otherwise, why would my mother be where she was, a pastor. This kind of study was exciting and frustrating, and stimulating and exhausting and refreshing. I started to wonder, what the heck is going on here. Why am I doing this? And about that time I remember my friend, Marg asking me, “Have you ever thought of being a minister?” I’m sure I remember my response being something like “Are you kidding--my mother’s a minister--why would I want to be a minister?” From that point on it became a bit of a wrestling match between me and God. I had every good reason in the world NOT to change careers. I had a good education in Physical Education, after I got my Master’s Degree I actually got a job in my field in Eugene as a Fitness Specialist, I kind of liked what I was doing, I loved Eugene, and my friends there. I liked my life, I thought. But then, why was I so interested and energized when I was preparing an alternative way of looking at the Bible and God and Jesus. Finally, my last resort was to go see my pastor. I couldn’t talk to him about what was going on with me without crying through the whole story, much to my humiliation. So, he suggested that I attend this thing called the Bishop’s Convocation on Ordained Ministry. It was about the call to ministry. It was going to be held in Salem. And it just so happened that it was going to be that very weekend coming up. I went. It was very informative. But the most clarifying experience was an exercise I did with a partner. Each partner was instructed to ask, “Why do you want to be a pastor?” I was to give one reason. My partner would follow the answer by asking the same question again. I was to give another reason. Well, I’m the kind of person who likes to follow directions in those kind of situations. (I like to look like I know what’s going on, even when I don’t.) We started the exercise. I was asked: Why do you want to be a pastor? And I blurted out, I don’t even know if I want to be one! But, okay, I guess it’s because....and slowly I thought of something, not too exciting. My partner asked the question again. I thought of something else. And again. This time something else came out, quicker, which was amazing. And again. And then I remember saying something like, because I’m a woman, and the church needs more women pastors. And from that point on I got really passionate. When the exercise was over, I was wondering, “Where did that come from?” And I knew. It was then I said to myself and to God. A little tiny, okay. But it’s just to do a little exploring of the possibility. And that’s all it took. I opened the door a little tiny crack and God flung it open the rest of the way, and here I am! Because of grace! On my 30th birthday, I attended Easter Sunday knowing that I was going to seminary the next year. It was the first time my birthday was on Easter in my life. I had been born on Good Friday. If I wasn’t such a skeptic, I would suggest that this was a sign from God that I was on the path to finding the meaning and significance I was looking for in my life. It was one of those grace-filled realizations. It has led me to this place, this moment in my life. Because of grace.

I do know this. Grace comes to us while we are living our lives--surprising, amazing grace--a deep realization that God accepts and loves us just the way we are, every part of us, before we do anything. We do have to be awake though and present and aware and open and accepting of it. Grace is never forced upon us. It is just there, no matter what. The Apostle Paul told the Ephesians, again in Eugene Peterson paraphrased version, “Long before God laid down earth’s foundations, God had us in mind, had settle on us as the focus of God’s love, to be made whole and holy by love.” Because of grace. Thanks be to God! May the grace of God that is present in this place, that surrounds us, always be known to us, through us May we all be made whole and holy by God’s love.

Amen.